Mother's Day Hurts ...

Let's talk about Mother's Day. As a child I enjoyed making crafts and breakfast for mom, trying to be as helpful and wonderful as my mom was to me every day of my life. As I got older, I wanted to be a mom because I wanted to be able to share all the things she shared with me with my child.

As years went past after being married and wanting to have children but unable to, I remember talking to my mom about how Mother's Day was hard for me. It has hard because as time slipped by and I got older my chances of becoming a mom myself got smaller and smaller.

Now, I was still an awesome Aunt to my nieces and nephew but deep down something was missing. I knew a piece of my heart was not complete yet and Mother's Day reminded me of it. All the thoughts, hopes and dreams came rushing to me again each year we were without a child and it made me sad.

I had a vision of what my life should look like and it wasn't shaping up that way. But why? I questioned so many things. I am supposed to have children? Is my life full enough? Admittedly, I had a pretty amazing life. A family that loved me, an awesome husband, the ability to travel and my own business to keep me busy, but I just felt there was more.

And there was ... God intervened in my life and started us on a path of IVF, then adoption, then IVF again with a gestational carrier. The process of IVF is not an easy one. The doctors appointments, the anticipation and excitement, the shots, the fear, the questions, and the hope ... it is an emotional roller coaster. I was in the stimulation phase of growing eggs for the IVF transfer and during that process we need to go into the doctors office multiple times to make sure the eggs are growing according to plan. There is a very specific timing for everything and I was a bit surprised when I was told to schedule an appointment for Sunday morning.

But that was no ordinary Sunday ... it was also Mother's Day so on Mother's Day I got to go with my mom to the fertility clinic and she got to have a little sneak peak into the IVF process. She got to meet our miracle doctors Elizabeth Pritts and David Olive who will always be the ones who took a chance on us, the ones who gave us hope and let us know they were in our corner supporting us. They are the ones who with their help, I was able to become a mother and my mom became a grandma to her daughter's baby.

I remember the conversations my mom and I had on the way to the fertility clinic, talking about how one year from now we could potentially have a baby and how different life would be. We also talked about how Mother's Day was hard for a while too and that I never meant it to be but it just kind of was. We talked about the fact that I was trying so hard to be a mom because she was such an awesome one and I wanted to be like her.

For me Mother's Day has been a gamut of emotions: silly, fun, emotional, stressful, heartbreaking, optimistic, exciting, hopeful and now rewarding and empowering. Please know that where ever you are in this journey, there is a plan for you. For me, I now know that I was supposed to go through all that I did because I was supposed to learn from it so that now I will be able to help others.

I know Mother's Day can be really hard but it can also be so powerful and purposeful like it is for me today. Now I see my purpose is to help other women become moms so they can celebrate Mother's Day again.